So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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