he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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