I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
