Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
