she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
