OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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