she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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