There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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