I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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