dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
