I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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