she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
