Nicole vs. Life
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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