I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
