My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
