just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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