i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My breasts were aching with rage.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
