I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
