no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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