Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
