I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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