Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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