If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
