Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
