I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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