you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
