Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
