I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
