I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
