i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
