awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
