wake up i wanna do it froggy style
its not stalking. its research.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
