Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
