dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
