My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Boobs are out for the taking
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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