I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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