You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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