im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
