how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
