please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
