38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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