the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
