im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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