I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
