Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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