Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
