wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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