Is it because I queefed?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
