Don't make out with my wife yet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
