my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
