It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
